Curious Cam

Sometimes my curiosity leads me to do things that I probably shouldn't do--like:

1. Spot a mousetrap, snuggled in the corner of a room, and see what it would be like if I just...tapped my finger on it...

2. Drive my car near a bike lane, and grab one of those cyclists by the backs of their shirt, and speed up as fast as I can--just to see if they can keep up...

3. Go into a corporate building and press all the buttons on an elevator--that would be entertaining, especially during rush hour.

Here are some of my "finger" ones:

4. Stick my fingers in a fan, to see if I can dodge the blades. Ha, I think I've actually done that one before and survived with the lost of one fingernail.

5. Stick my hand in a garbage disposal? Nah, that would be SO obvious if I did that. I just said that one for kicks.

6. Stick my fingers and/or toes in a vaccum cleaner. Do vaccum cleaners suck up everything?

7. Point at a complete stranger and scream, "Stop Thief!" That one would be perfect to do in a department store setting. Wouldn't it be insane if the person really freaked out and started running? Now that would definitely be a newsmaker!


....it gets worst than this so...stay tuned!

A Crabby Day

As my friend cracked and snapped her way through the hard orange body of a crab--like the monkey she resembled--she picked at the first sight of meat and stuffed it in her mouth.

Earlier, we were having a conversation about getting old and loosing our teeth. Therefore, we made a pact to only eat soft to medium textured food from now on because we wouldn't want to speed up the process of a tooth popping out of out mouths at an unsuspected moment.

Throwing our pact out the window--like a homeless person throws away food because they'd rather have money--she pierced her teeth into the bicep of the crab.

She thought she was going to get a sweet and succulent taste of the crabs flesh, but she got more than she bargained for--her left molar sat on top of the half eaten crab's eyes.

Like a parent scolding a disobedient child, all I could say was, "Like we said, only soft to medium textured foods."

Au Naturel Instructor

Class was very interesting today. Under normal circumstances, I'd be the opposite of "up and at em'" during the class period. But considering that the class is a history course--I'm normally sliding half way out of my seat, with my head tilted against the wall with drips of saliva working it's way down to my chin. But today was very different....

I decided to picture my teacher naked. And not because I was attracted to him, but because it actually kept me wide awake, and aware of what was going on. I was participating left and right. But all the while, keeping my eyes on the prize. Every time he would point to the board, or move his hips towards the projector, I would imagine his muscles flexing back and forth underneath his black dockers slacks. But again, the most bizarre part of it all, is that I'm not the least bit--in any kind of way--attracted to my teacher. This was just a stunt my mind pulled to make the time past by faster. I quickly glanced behind me at the clock on the wall. 6:49. One minute of class left. When I turned back around to face him, my thoughts lead me to picture him fully undressed, and he was master--uhh...masterING the technique of discussing dictators in the 20's and 30's!

Irony At It's Best: The Lady and the Apple

What I just witnessed should put a lot of "No...that would never happen!" stories to rest!

I went into the city to do some food shopping today, and when I came out of the store I discovered a horrific scene--two black men grabbing and tugging at an older woman's bags--she was a 70ish caucasian woman. Now as a woman of a certain...color...I know what's expected in situations like this. But I didn't want to jump to any conclusions, so I decided to take on the role of the heroic superhero--I yelled, "Stop! let go of her!" Not much of a hero, huh. Well, c'mon, these guys could've had a weapon or something...that's how it goes in situations like this, right? And plus, I wasn't exactly in the mood to put my life on the line for an old woman, who probably didn't have the much time left. And, no that's not being mean, that's being logical!

Nevertheless, getting closer to the scene, I noticed the raucous was drawing in a crowd. When the two black men turned around, they were wearing aprons, and cursing to the high heavens at this woman--apparently the "old thief" stole fruit and milk from the grocery store.

She yelled crude remarks at the two gentleman, saying that they were trying to feel on her and touch her. Well, the police pulled up and three people--including me who was trying to put my 25cents in hehe--were trying to give the cops the story of what happened. I tried to peek at what the officers were writing, thinking that they might've been playing hangman, instead of taking things seriously. So, they quickly closed their "officers notebooks, and that's when "Bonnie w/o the Clyde" asked if she could keep the fruit, because she was a diabetic. The officers said no, unless she was going to pay for it. I watched as she gave the groceries back to the two workers. The crowd died down. The cops walked her across the street to the station. I squinted my eyes because a green object was bouncing around in her pocket--it was a green apple. Nice.

Wind and Friends

So it was a very windy day in The City of Brotherly Love. People just about tumbled and whirled everywhere. As I bared the wind and fought to keep my feet on the ground, the wind pushed me into a fellow classmate of mine. We talked and chatted about school, politics, and the wind. Just as she got on the topic of Spanish dictators, a rock hit her right in the head. I laughed so hard, people on the street thought I had a mental problem.

In the midst of my laughter, the wind caused something to fly in my throat. It felt like a piece of plastic. I started coughing, and she teased and said that that's what I got for laughing at her--just then something flew in her right eye and then her left eye. She was temporarily blind and I was choking. We laughed until slobber accrued on our faces. We bumped into people as I attempted to cough up some inamnimate object and she was trying to make her eyes tear up, in order to get the dust out of her eyes. At the next light, we went our separate ways, as if nothing ever happened. Classic times with friends.

A weird conversation that led to food for thought...

My riend and I decided to have a mini-study session before class. She insisted on playing some spanish music--which sounded more like french music--during our session. As we studied vigoriously, flipping through pages of notes--and even braved a few paper cuts--the only sound that was present was the sound of our fingerstips gliding across our laptops.

After a few minutes, she looks up at me and says, "Hey, have you ever seen a cat have sex?" I say, "Um, no, I have to say that I haven't. Where are we going with this?"

"Well," she says, "I was just thinking because we always hear cats having sex and we never see it. One minute they're running around the neighborhod fighting each other, and the next thing you see are kittens sprinting every which way, across the street."

"So...what? you think kittens are organisms born from some kind of supernatural force," I said. Just then, I leaned back to stretch my arms when my laptop slides off my lap. My friend catches it with her foot, it settles to the floor, and my laptop literally snaps itself shut.

Our eyes bulged out of her heads. "See...supernatural forces, " she said as she pointing towards the floor. Staring at the closed laptop on the floor, I asked, "How did we get on this topic again?"

A meow startles us causing our bodies to jolt. Her roommate, an actor, pops her in the door and says, "Guys? chill out. What's with the 'you just seen a ghost look'?" Turns out her roommate was just rehearsing for a scene that she had to perform in her class--she had to portray an animal. A cat. She closes the door, to finish her 'meow' sounds.

"Cats," my friend says. "Cats hiding their sexual desires is what started this."

Silly Man

My friend set his alarm for 6:30pm rather than 630am. Luckily I had my alarm set for 7:30am--had I not he would've been late for his 8:00am test. 7:30am. Off he was. Rushing and throwing clothes every where--a pair of jeans were thrown over my face, followed by a pair of boxers. The ones he wore the night before. That was enough to wake me up.
In an attempt to assist him, I hopped out the bed and stuffed papers, pens and books into his duffle bag. When he couldn't find the boot for his left foot, we both looked under the bed, and simultaneously stood up. For that moment my cerebral cortex was nonexistent. Finally, he ran down the hall to the bathroom for his "morning pee" jumped two steps at a time down the stairs and the next thing I heard was the sound of the door slamming shut. My first thought. Did he just leave without even brushing his teeth?
He called me an hour ago and told me that he made it to his class, and even had 5 minutes to spare. I asked him if he ever went home to shower, brush, and all that good clean stuff. He laughed and said that he never got the chance to go home, but he did have time to go to the student center at his school to buy a pair of socks. I didn't want to know what the socks were for, but I had to ask. He said he went into the handicap bathroom because it was more private the other ones. He took one sock out and wet it with the hand soap and washed up--like he would at home. As for brushing his teeth, he said, "Oh, I used Dentyne gum, chewing it is like brushing your teeth, but without the brush and toothpaste." With the other sock? he dried off. It could've been worse. he could've used the socks off his feet and put them back on.