Carpet Lumps

As I walk through a carpeted room, without warning, I trip. I trip hard. I slam into a coffee table. Picture frames shatter into the floor and coasters fling across the room. I just met my worst enemy--a lump in the carpet.

I hate lumps in carpets. They never let you know their watching--they appear without warning and embarrass the hell out of you. Like a chameleon, they blend in with their surroundings and pop out when the moments right. This usually happens in a room full of people and the lucky bastard is carrying a plate of food and/or a beverage, without a top. 

What drives me even more crazy are the people who try and hide the lumps. These are the people that attempt to cover their mistakes with a chair or couch. I've even seen people cover their lumps with floor lamps. What is so difficult about removing a floor lamp, straightening out the carpet and placing the floor lamp back in place? You would think the most simplest tasks in life, are actually simple right?

I'm the person that will remove all the items, couch included*, pull the carpet out, so it's flat and smooth and put the everything back. To me, it's like a breath of fresh air, a relief, a weight lifted off my shoulder. By expressing the wonderful gesture of straightening out a lump in a carpet,  I can save a person the humiliation of cleaning up an unnecessary mess of food and drink. Feeling significant and liberated, I walk away with a newfound friend.